Why I can't have nice things.

No, really, I can't. 

This is the result of the day out in Paris, it is 130 Euros worth of shopping. First we went to a bookshop, and then walked over to Forum Des Halles and did some other shopping. Andi and Sandy got 107.10 and I had 22.90. As I've already said, this is why I can't have nice things, it really is because she spends all the money. She had near enough 70 Euros worth of baby clothing from Gap, it was meant to be 90, but there was a deal on for 20 Euros off. Then she got a book for Sandy, and some wool, and then some earrings for her and my mother. This baby thing is costing a fortune and all it does is scream and bite me.

We had waffles and a drink in McDonald's too though, which was kind of nice, I like waffles.

Now it is a crime to rhyme.

English books are hard to find in Paris, Andi found a Parisian guide book in our apartment, and it listed the book shop Shakespeare & Company at 37 rue de la Bucherie, very near Notre Dame, so, apparently we had to go. She spent ages there, having a real look around and then couldn't decide if she wanted to spend around 10 Euros on herself or nearly 20 on her son. I really want a computer with the EUR symbol. In the end she choose a Dr. Seuss compilation of five stories, then an hour after my idiot mother says we had the hard back version of the same book in the UK. Why didn't she say this at the time? Andi could have got a book for herself and waited for the next time we visit.
The book shop was amazing though, there were some second hand books outside, which was nice to see, then upstairs there was a library, and some children's books, and downstairs was very crowded, it was hard to move, but it was amazing to see so many books. One, which I found upstairs in the library, was interesting. It was called "Tales of the Frontiers" (or something similar) and was about the views of a British man travelling through the British Empire. Unfortunately I didn't get to read very much of it, because not long after I started reading it, it was time to leave.

What is the attraction of this? Why do you treat it as a drug?

 She then made us walk, all the way from Notre Dame, and we didn't even get to see inside because there were too many other tourists, but that wasn't really important because I've already seen it, multiple times. We had to walk to the Forum Des Halles and it took a while but it was nice to walk around for a bit, sadly on the way there she found Gap, and my mum found Hema. Hema is basically Woolworths and my mum went in there for wool, Gap is full of cute baby clothes and my sister is obsessed with those. So there went 70 Euros. Crap. I'll admit though, the things from Gap are very cute.
 Ad then after all of this? She went and spent more money on earrings.

Cute, but expensive.

The Gap receipt measures 1.7 metres.

Thanks Andi, thanks.

My nice things

I guess at least I got a pen, which looks like a pencil, just to confuse people, and some boxers. I took a photo of these too, and no, you cannot see me in them, you pervert. I'm 14.

Mine have smaller numbers.

Dear Penis

Dear Penis,

Do you mind if I call you Dick? How are things going down there? I guess I'm stalling, how do I even write this letter? It's really hard. Thanks for not bleeding every month, that really helps. So does the ability to piss standing up, that's very practical and saves me a lot of time and hassle. However when I piss, I don't want to put you away and find out you've carried on without me and shaking is really annoying. Sometimes you really get in the way!

And your neighbour, Mr Scrotum, what's going on with you two? Why is it you've recently started thinking for yourselves? Are you collaborating against me? I know Mr Scrotum looks like a hairy brain, but that's no excuse, I would rather think with my head than with my penis, so please will you pair remember this. Maths is not the time I want you to wake up, neither is church.I know the number eight is the kind of the same shape as breasts, but really, it isn't.

If you keep popping up without warning and at awkward times, I will not get a girlfriend! Then you won't even be any use to me! So stop it! If you want to go to work, you need to behave while I use my words to coax them into getting their clothes off. Otherwise, how will you get into the vagina? Do you fire lasers to get through clothing or something? No, so stop it! When you hit my in the face like that it really hurts and I swear the girls hate it too!

And why is it when it gets cold in the winter you become inverted? How is that any use?

Vaginae can really take a beating, those things can handle so much pain, but you get a small tap and because you're overly sensitive I can't move for hours on end. Can't you toughen up a bit?

Sincerely, George.

Introduction

Hello, hallo, salut, hola, salve, fuck I'm out of languages.

So, welcome to my blog. My name is George, I'm 14 and I live in a desolate small town in south England that I have a strong hated for. I like a few weird things, my sister is some kind of crazy earth child, tree fucking hippie, in the body of a stretch marked, anorexic goth. Or as she says, a vegetarian called Andi, anyway, her crazy environmentalism has had a pretty big impact on my life and way of thinking, and she very into natural parenting and lifestyle, I find it really cool and would like to do the same kind of things. I also like video games way too much and I'm addicted to my Nintendo 3DS. I would play more retro GBA games, but Andi won't let me near them. I like reading factual books, but have a hard time getting into fiction. Oh, and I love scenery, real scenery and history.

I hate maths and stupid people, and crying babies, my sister's baby seems to do this a lot.

So that's the first post for my blog, I'm not really sure what's coming, I'm not sure if anyone will read it, and I have no idea what I will write about, but I guess I should try and keep it up. I've got some organic apples coming into harvest so I think they'll possibly be my next post, I'm also trying to learn cooking so might write about that if I don't burn myself to death first. Maybe I'll do book reviews and things too, who knows?

So here's a picture of me that Andi took when we went to Scotland.