Why I hate babies.

Sorry I've not posted anything for a while. I'm doing all my GCSE coursework/homework and that doesn't really leave time for anything else, finding an hour to sit down and write can be very hard sometimes.

Anyway, here is a complaint about something I hate. Babies. I hate babies, why do people constantly pop them out? They are annoying, squishy, moving things and they seem to want to get themselves dropped, but never drop them because the overly hormonal mother will kill you. They are just annoying.

Crying.

This is literally the most annoying noise I can think of (other than the voices of certain people). It's a high pitched wail and it doesn't stop no matter what I do. In fact, everything I do seems to anger the thing more making its song get worse. And when it cries, it moves, and if I drop it because of how it is moving it will cry more, and I'll get the blame.

 They are ugly. 

 

 Need I say more? Newborns have a cone head, and they spend most of the time with heads too big for their bodies and way too much fat to be cute.

They leak fluid everywhere.

 

They dribble everywhere and get spit on everything, it's disgusting. It's not cute, it's horrible, I don't want saliva all over my phone, my shirt, whatever. They can't even control their bowels, or their bladders. Without nappies these things would get grosser, but this brings me to the question of how are they comfortable pissing and shitting in their sleeping space?
And why would a parent be okay with running around after all of that?
And the vomit? Just no...

They are messy.

 

The same things I've mentioned above, and worse. Once they are capable of crawling, not only do they try to commit suicide with the electrical sockets, they all trap everything and shove it into their mouths. When we visit Andi, I'm not allowed to leave anything I care about on the ground, if I leave something there it will be covered in dribble and food and I don't want to know what else. I'm dreading when it starts walking, she says it can pull itself into a standing position and can pull things down from tables. My 3DS is probably going to get eaten. They also insist on poking or grabbing everything, and I mean everything they can get their hands on - hair, eyes, you name it, they'll grab it. My eyes are not toys, I need those!

They can't even feed themselves.

 

Once again moving into the messy category, when these stupid things are born they're so useless, they can't even hold their heads up, how stupid are they? They spend most of the first year being feed from another source where they put in little to no effort, and actively try and get out of eating turning their heads way from spoons etcetera. Not exactly a good survival technique.

I'm a little bit jealous.

 

Babies get everything, they get tits, they don't have to put in any effort, people put them in cute outfits. They can even spend all day in pyjamas, if I do that it's called lazy. They don't need to work, they don't worry about money.
They get away with so many things that I can't, if I dribble everywhere because, I don't know, why would I even do that? Whatever, I'd get in trouble, if Alexandros does it, who gives a shit, he's a baby and it's cute.
Another thing! Alexandros pukes down his shirt, he spends the afternoon in just his nappy and jeans and everyone is okay with that. I get ice cream down my shirt, but I have to keep it on because I'm seen as a fat bastard (which is admittedly quite an accurate view) and it's not acceptable to walk around shirtless. Unfair much!


I guess at the end of the day, it's not their fault they are unattractive, annoying, and unable to control their bowels and I should blame biology for that.